(no subject)

I always feel wrong on Mother's day. One of those days where I wish I'd never been born. Me at my curmudgeony best. Seeing all those people all happy about their mothers and then there's me. I know I'm not alone in this regard, but it's little consolation.

My co-workers tell me that any child I had would be born with half a soul. Days like this, I believe them.

(no subject)

I find myself increasingly unable (or unwilling) to care about anything. My job, my health, my future....these things lately are like buzzing flies around my head. I don't know what to do to fix this.

(no subject)

Something isn't fitting right today.

I feel like I should be doing something, but I don't know what it is. I'm sad, but I don't have a reason. I want to hurt again, but there's no reason.

I wish I weren't so fucked up sometimes.

Report for much worse duty.

Well, now I'm the Unit Tax Advisor. Which translates into a ton of work. Taking online courses all weekend and then going to a four day course all this week. Fun fun. I bought my plane tickets to go back home. Not exactly cheap, but I should be able to get a reimbursement on them thanks to fancy leave trickery.

Maybe I can figure out a way to write them off after all this tax mumbo jumbo is done.

(no subject)

I'm trying really hard not to bite my fingernails.
I talked to Trish today for a long time. I think "giddy" is the term I'd use to describe how I felt afterwards. She said some things that really made me happy. I'm flying back to the States to see her in February. One good turn deserves another, I suppose. Kinda sleepy. Ate sushi and drank beer tonight. Found out that I have to go to work two hours early tonight. I'm being punished for not buying a ticket to the company's christmas party. But the thing is, I was already scheduled to work and couldn't go to the party anyways.

I fucking hate this place.

(no subject)

Can't sleep. Stomach hurts.

I've been thinking. I understand a lot more than I used to. I always wondered why people did the things they did. I'd sit there and think to myself "Wow, that was stupid." Now I know. I'd kill someone now if it could give me what I want. I'm throwing caution to the wind.